Inspired by real people and true events.

Friday, April 8, 2011

My Oil Light is On!

DO NOT PANIC.  The oil light coming on means you do not have enough oil.  Get some oil.  Preferably do not drive your car to do it.  You should not need to add oil between services so if this light comes on, there is something wrong with your car.  You could have a leak or be burning oil for some reason.  In any case, you need to get it to a mechanic without driving it.  If you do not have AAA, find a friend that does.  The coverage is for the person, not the vehicle.  They just have to say they were getting a ride from you when you had to be towed.  Then, sign up for your own coverage.  It isn't that expensive and the peace of mind is worth it.  See additional advice at the end of this post.

This advice comes to you as a result of [NAME OF FAMOUS PERSON WITH ADVANCED DEGREE REMOVED FOR PRIVACY, aka FPWADRFP]

FPWADRFP called me to say his check oil light came on. I said, "Did you check the oil?" No, he does not know how. OK, where are you? Did you hit anything?

FPWADRFP: I ran over a rock.

Oh, well it probably knocked off a brake line or punched a hole in the oil pan. Your car is low to the ground so it could happen.

FPWADRFP:  I don't know what those things are. What should I do?

I think you should check the oil and see if there is any in there.

FPWADRFP:  I don't know how to do that. I am going to try to drive home.

Um, if there is no oil then your engine will seize up and you'll need to buy a new one.

FPWADRFP: Like get an oil change?

NO A NEW ENGINE.

FPWADRFP:  Well I think I am going to drive home.

OK I warned you.

[He does make it home and I agree to come check the oil in it in the morning before he decides what to do.]

*I arrive.

FPWADRFP: Hey I called AAA and they said that if there is any oil in it I should just drive it.

Of course they said that. They don't want to spend money on towing you.

*I check the oil and there is NONE. It does not even register on the stick.

FPWADRFP: How did you do that?

I pulled out the stick, wiped it off, put it back in and pulled it out to see what level it is.

FPWADRFP: How high is it supposed to be?

Up to the fill line. Where it says FULL.

FPWADRFP: Well it looks like it is up there.

NO IT IS NOT. THERE IS NO OIL IN YOUR CAR.

FPWADRFP: I'm going to drive it to Wilson Tire and see if they can put some in.

YOU CANNOT DRIVE A CAR WITH NO OIL IN IT.

FPWADRFP: I think it will be o.k.

*And then I follow him to Wilson because I give up. He does make it.

Hi Mechanic Guy, there is no oil in this dude's Audi.

Mechanic: YOU SHOULD NOT HAVE DRIVEN IT HERE. DID YOU HIT ANYTHING?

FPWADRFP: I hit a rock.

Oh, well it probably knocked off a brake line or punched a hole in the oil pan. Your car is low to the ground so it could happen.

FPWADRFP: I don't know what those things are. What should I do?

You should take it to Northeast Foreign Cars and have them look at it. We do not have the parts or the tools here.

FPWADRFP: OK, how far is that?

You will need to have it towed. I wouldn't even want to drive it on and off the lift if it doesn't have oil.

FPWADRFP: I drove it here and it was OK.

DO NOT DRIVE THIS CAR.

* So it did get towed to Northeast FC and there was no oil.  They said he never should have driven it and they also said they couldn't find anything wrong with it so they just did an oil change and the light went off. ALSO: YOU DID NOT HIT A ROCK. IT WAS A PORCUPINE. THERE ARE BLOOD AND GUTS AND QUILLS EVERYWHERE.

* Later he told me there was evidence of hitting a porcupine because there was a lot of fur stuck to the bottom of the car.

Dashboard Light Advice:  These lights come on for a reason.  Automotive manufacturers have gone sort of crazy with their dash-light additions over the years, I think because people can't be bothered to learn about cars.  Most of them come on for silly reasons like your gas cap not being tight enough.  To avoid this, tighten down the cap.  Til it clicks.  A lot.  Or, your tire pressure might be low.  Check it.  Add air.  If it happens again, get the tire repaired or get a new tire.

The check-engine light (otherwise known as a malfunction indicator light or MIL) is a popular one for panic-causing.  The general rule is that if it is steadily on and your car isn't making any noise you can drive it a short distance to the garage.  If the light is blinking, pull over immediately and have it towed.  Not good.

Driving Advice: If you are going to be driving a car, you should familiarize yourself with things that you could hit, like animals, and know your course of action before you get behind the wheel.  Porcupines, in the grand scheme of things, are no biggie.  A moose, however, is a very different story.  Deer are smaller but can cause a lot of damage to your car as well.  If there is a small animal, do not slam on your brakes or try to avoid it.  Maintain control of the vehicle and drive through, then stop and assess the situation.  Animals are pretty quick and it may have escaped on its own.  For a larger animal, DO NOT swerve into the other lane of traffic.  If there is a clear path to the right (e.g. breakdown lane or flat shoulder), you could try that.  [Sand is not considered a flat shoulder - your car will most likely catch a tire and flip.]  Otherwise, if you have to hit a moose, aim for the caboose.  Hit a deer in the rear.  I'm serious.  You don't want them coming through the windshield and with this you have the best chance of them spinning around and mostly avoiding you.  Like in NASCAR when someone gets tapped into the infield.  

Advice for life: Learn which animals have fur.  Don't talk about them if you don't know.